


22 things you said

by sanderidge



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Help, M/M, and i dONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING SOMEONE HELP, is this called jerejean, jerejean, there are other people but mostly they are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 19:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11743305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanderidge/pseuds/sanderidge
Summary: i hear what you say, and sometimes I like to keep track of it.





	22 things you said

**Author's Note:**

> from the first 22 prompts from http://robbersdjh.tumblr.com/post/114789651506/prompts-1-things-you-said-at-1-am-2-things

1\. things you said at 1 am

it's night and we're awake because you can't ever sleep and I love it when you think to wake me up. you don't like to ask for things, but you see my fingers drumming on my knee and i know you know i need something to do. it makes me grin. slowly carefully you ask - _do you know how to make pancakes_? and it's the first thing you've asked for in weeks and I grin because hell if I can't learn for you.

2\. things you said through your teeth

 _I'm fine,_ you snarl, through your mouth guard and your blood. _you think I've been through a game without hurting_? and i flinch a little but I'm not stupid enough to forget what's happened to you. what's been done to you. so i don't touch your shoulder like i want to and give you your space and believe you for now,  but i see you catch my eye when someone else comes to check on you. and i smile.  

3\. things you said too quietly

 _I'm afraid of drowning_ you say, so soft i don't hear it, not really. it takes me time to put the words together. and I'm sleepy and the game was exhausting but I sit up in bed. _do you want hot chocolate_? and you look away. i take it as a yes because i am proud i didnt offer water when you mentioned drowning. at that time it doesn't occur to me you can drown in anything.

4\. things you said over the phone

 _this is too much money, knox_. you aren't used to calling me jeremy yet and I don't correct you because I'm too pleased with myself. _it's just a gift card, jean. for anything you want._ and i wait. your silence is a little frightening sometimes. but you speak, finally, after maybe ten minutes. _i don't want anything_. i want to shout at you when you say that. _keep it until you do_ , I say and i hear an almost-smile in your huff.

5\. things you didn't say at all

 _riko,_ ever. never his name. i notice and i don't mention it to kevin. kevin is doing the same thing you are. wondering how to live.

6\. things you said under the stars and in the grass

 _outside is a miracle_ , you say plainly. and you've been speaking english for years on years but I still love the rough thick edges of your voice, the soft places where vowels stream over each other like water. and we watch fireflies and california stars - all the airplanes going by, even up here in the mountains. _people are a miracle_ , i say idly. _you're a miracle_ i say without thinking reaching for you without thinking and i freeze. i don't touch you, in case you don't want it. and you don't reach for my hand but i am relieved when you do that sigh-which-is-a-laugh of yours.

7\. things you said while we were driving

 _knox,_ you say, frustrated, _why are we doing this._ and it's wonderful that you're yelling at me, because it means you don't think I'll attack you for it. it means I'm safe. (i think.) but i take a deep breath and explain anyway. _jean, see, sometimes when alvarez and laila are both on their periods, ice cream is -_ and you groan. _never mind, knox._  

8\. things you said when you were crying

 _it's not the nightmares_ , you say, and you sigh a little. your shoulders say you don't feel like explaining. i don't ask if you were close to riko - kevin warned me not to, when i asked him what to do. but kevin's directions are stupidly vague and i hate seeing you like this. _do you want to watch a movie?_ i ask. i ignore the fact it's 9 am. _i have that amazon thing. what kind of movies do you like? and i think we have popcorn..._

9\. things you said when i was crying

 _jeremy_ , you say awkwardly, patting my shoulder even more awkwardly. i love it. i should cry more, i tell myself. it doesn't change how panicky i am but it makes me laugh through my tears and your startled face is a good one.

10\. things you said that made me feel like shit

 _i don't know you, why do you even try?_ you ask, and you are all harsh and sharp and you remind me of black-feathered edges. _kindness will be the end of you_ , you snap. and i am small, suddenly. like my entire world is just you and your words. but do you know how hard I've worked for kindness, i wonder. and i am not giving up anymore.

11\. things you said when you were drunk

 _insane, all of you._ the music is louder than your six foot frame at the table. _insane_. you take another drink and the shot glass comes down empty. _how you think you can play, so sloppily. insane._ and I'm torn between laughing and being indignant because we are not _sloppy_. but you're being honest.  

12\. things you said when you thought i was asleep

 _je ne comprends jamais_. i never understand. and it's when you're staring at my scrawled handwriting, scattered across the table, all the team plays and the freshmen's names and birthdays listed out on so many papers. you shake your head and i smile to myself on the couch. you don't have to. but you might, someday.

13\. things you said at the kitchen table

 _you are terrible at baking_ , you say, surveying my attempts to make cookies. _really. is it so hard to measure flour._ and i protest because flour gets everywhere you don't understand. somehow my hands are shaky at 2 am. but you sigh. _pass me a measuring cup._

14\. things you said after you kissed me

 _knox,_ you begin. i sigh exasperated. _it's_ _jeremy._ I'd thought we were over this _._ (we are not apparently over this.) _knox,_ you insist. like you need to keep your distance from me.

15\. things you said with too many miles between us

a court is not miles long. and it's not words you say. but it's miles and miles and it's too many miles, the space between you and me. you at my back. hesitant with your perfect form, somehow. i don't know how that works. but you say _I'm not sure_ , somehow, between your perfect passes. you aren't sure how our team works. but i am satisfied with the _our_ part of the question.

16\. things you said with no space between us

 _i hate being touched_ you say into my shoulders. i don't know if you're serious, because you are cuddling up to me.

17\. things you said that i wish you hadn't

 _your team is insufferable and impossible_ , you tell me. i lift my chin because these are the people i will fight for. always. _we are your team now._ our _team,_ i say, _is insufferable and impossible. especially alvarez when laila dares her to do anything._  

18\. things you said when you were scared

 _no_ you say and i back off. we don't go to the beach bonfire that year. me and you and laila and alvarez and half the team decide not to go and then the freshmen remake it into a camping trip. most of the team doesn't know it's because of water or beach or riko. most of the team will never know. it's an okay secret.

19\. things you said when we were the happiest we ever were

 _fort trojan_ , i pronounce, sticking a leaf into the top of my sand castle. at my side you sink your toes into the sand and almost smile, the way you do. _a small fort for an incompetent team_ , you say, teasing. it's a good thing. sunlight glances off your hair and bounces into the moat i dug for the fort. it's bright as you and you are brighter than you've ever been.

20\. things you said that i wasn't meant to hear

 _why him?_ you murmur, awake. you never sleep through the night. _why knox?_ and I don't know if it's because I'm your roommate or because of something else, but your voice isn't angry or resigned. it's wondering and I've never heard that in you before, ever. _why knox_ you say softly into the dark and i decide, I'll make it worth it. and I'm going to make you smile.

21\. things you said when we were on top of the world

 _we won!_  i crow and you crack a smile and I need to save it, that moment, when your smile isn't a bitter deflection of someone's words but instead something almost _happy_ and it's such a miracle i think I'll explode. _we won!_ and i see your smile and it's a little curve of your lips. and i realize i want to kiss you. oops.

22\. things you said after it was over

 _moreau,_ you say, voice harsh with disuse. _jean moreau_. you're the backliner friend of Kevin's, the one who he asked me to keep far away. you have maybe half a foot on me and you look like you haven't slept in weeks. maybe you haven't. _hi,_ i say, smiling, holding out my hand. _jeremy knox._

 


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